Boy

By Georgy Nikolin

Make sure not to cross your legs so people don't think you're dainty; Make sure to talk in a deep voice; Make sure that your beard is always trimmed and groomed; I don’t want to grow a beard; When people ask you how you're doing say you're doing good; But what if I'm not good; Then deal with it yourself, but never let others know; When you pass someone you know on the street be sure to shake their hand tightly; Here's how you walk down the street so people don’t think that you are a weakling like I know you to be; But I like the way I walk; This is how to fix a leaking faucet; This is how to change the oil in your car; This is how to change a tire; This is how to jump start a car; This is how to paint the walls; This is how to file your taxes; Here's how you throw a football; and here's how you catch one;  Here's how to exercise so that you can become strong, unlike the weakling you are today; Here is how to keep your wife happy; Here is how to keep yourself happy; Here is how to keep both of you happy; Here is what to do when someone offends you; Here is what to do if someone offends your wife; Here is how to get over heartbreak; and Here is how to find good friends; And here is how to deal with the passing of a friend; Remember to lift with your legs when picking up heavy boxes for your neighbors; What if the neighbors don’t want my help moving heavy boxes; Are you saying that after all that I taught you, you won't be the type of man they'd ask for help?